My friend Edie

I would like to introduce you all to my friend Edie.  She is actually a friend to the whole family.  We have known Edie for a little over a year and our lives have been enriched by having her in them.  She is so kind, has extraordinary amounts of patience, enjoys the craziness of our household, and is always willing to help no matter what we need. 

The unique thing about our friendship is that Edie is actually one of our home health care nurses who works in our home for 12 hours shifts at night.  I haven’t written much about the nurses in our home because really the subject deserves an entire book of its own but this dear lady has earned a post on this blog.  She came into our home with no preconceived ideas of how things should work.  She has never been pushy about how we should do things but will offer up suggestions as she ponders some of our dilemmas.  She has taken on menial task like making sure the supplies are put away or keeping me up to date on which meds need to be reordered.  She never gets frustrated when I forget what she told me and works on continuing Keyan’s independence all the while allowing Keyan to just be who she is.  She has always been on time, most nights coming early at her own expense just so that Keyan would not be rushed through her night time routine. 

As Keyan has aged, we have discovered that not all nurses who were great taking care of her when she was a baby, have the patience and understanding to take care of her now.  While Keyan is chronologically seven years old, she is very scattered in her developmental skills and still acts like a preschooler a lot of the time.  Edie has met her where she is at at every moment and we know that taking care of Keyan is more than just a job for Edie, she truly LOVES her.  This love for our daughter is what creates such an ability for us to trust Edie with one of our most precious commodities, our darling little girl. Seven years into this nursing journey, I dare say it is harder than ever to trust Keyan’s care-takers because we have been through so much.  However, Edie has been venerable, willing to ask questions, admit her mistakes, and has opened up to us without ever being a burden.  This is a rare thing when it comes to home health nurses.  More than any of this though has been the joy we have felt watching Keyan connect and build a relationship with Edie.  Keyan lights up every time Edie walks in.  She feels completely safe and secure and knows that her needs and desires are respected in Edie’s eyes. Edie gives of her time, her resources, and energy, but most importantly, she has given us her heart.

Why all this writing about Edie?  We were informed last week that due to a lot of red tape with the State of Michigan and the type of license that Edie holds, she would no longer be able to work at our home. I sit here tonight fighting between tears and anger as this is Edie’s last night taking care of Keyan.  I am angry about loosing a reliable and trust worthy nurse.  I am scared of a future filled with orientating new nurses until we find one that will fit with our family and our uniqueness.  I am sad because I loose that feeling of security, but most of all I am heart broken for my daughter.  Keyan doesn’t quite understand the ramifications of us telling her that Edie would not be coming anymore.  She can repeat the information, and has seen the other kids and myself be sad.  She can tell you what is happening but she has no idea how to deal with the emotions.  I know that while I sit processing all of this now, it will not sink it for Keyan until Edie actually doesn’t return to take care of her.  It is a lot for a little girl to understand.  She doesn’t understand red tape, or licensing.  All that she is left with is the void and the circus of finding another nurse.  It has really left me pondering what it must be like for Keyan. Two parents, three home nurses, and a nurse at school all with different expectations and personalities.  I think at some level it must be somewhat confusing for her and that makes me sad.

Some people hearing of this story or reading it now, would say that this is the perfect situation to look at and teach boundaries.  I can’t tell you how many times on this path that we have heard, “You shouldn’t get attached to your nurses.” Or, “The nurses need to remain professional and not cross the patient/client line.”  But looking back on this past year with Edie, gives me a whole lot more perspective on this topic.  Even though my heart is in pieces over loosing Edie, and it is SOO hard to foresee how this will be alright, despite all the pain I see in my children’s eyes as she leaves, I would not trade the last year of our time with her for anything.  It has made us all better.  We learned a lot about trust along the way.  Having Edie has made me be a better advocate for Keyan because Edie raised the bar.  It gives me a little bit of faith back that I had lost in humanity.  It leaves us all with a great friend who has enriched our lives.

Thank you Edie, from the bottom of my heart.  Thanks for loving on all of our kids and seeing the beauty in our crazy home.