Thanksgiving

I know that I need to blog about the girls birthday and I promise you some great pictures from the day...but I just need to blog!

Thanksgiving falls in a busy week here in the Hogan household.  The girls birthday was Sunday, obviously Thanksgiving is today, and then Jamahl turns 9 on Saturday.  With my broken foot, I have been somewhat useless and have had a lot of time to think.  I have truly been overwhelmed this week with the blessings of home.  Last year Keyan entered the hospital in October and basically stayed thru July.  As you all know, she was home on and off but the majority of that time she was away from home.  We spent her birthday, Thanksgiving, Jamahl's birthday, Christmas, ect. all at our second home, nine center, at DeVos Children's Hospital.  As we sang "Happy Birthday" this year around the table, I choked back my tears.  I couldn't say what I was thankful for today without fighting the same problem, and every time I kiss my kids precious heads, the lump comes to my throat.  They all have commented on the fact that I am crying, and I try to explain they are tears of happiness, but you know kids...they just sort of look at me and give me a hug.

What strikes me the most, is that I know I only have these feelings of deep appreciation for home and my family because of  living thru the hellish past year.  I hated moments of the the last year...I begged to not have them continue, I cried and yelled at God for letting my family suffer the pains of illness. But all of those things have brought me to today.  I have learned to live for today...nothing else.  I have learned to value the small quiet moments in life and I am truly grateful.  So many people in this life go thru the paces, are always seeking the next best thing, fight discontentment, focus on tomorrow, and miss the life they are living NOW!  Before this last year, I was one of them...I was bogged down by our schedule, I was focused on "what might happen", I was tired of the battles.  Today, I am still tired, I still worry, and fight battles left and right, but it is with TODAY being of the utmost priority.  I sat in our crowded kitchen, around our hand-me-down table, and cried because I was here.  I was surrounded by my kids, my husband, my parents, and later my brother and his family.  That is what life is about.  I looked at Keyan sitting across from me at the dinner table...she was bored, would have rather been watching a movie, but her presence was breath taking.  She lives for the moment..she has learned better than any of us that life is full of unknowns and she yet she LIVES her life.

It isn't just Keyan.  We have all changed after the year we have lived through.  The kids are all more aware of today.  I can't help but find the irony in the fact that the days where I would have traded our situation for anything, have now taught us so much.  Does it mean that everything is great?  Of course not, but I sure am thankful for the lessons we have learned.  I am thankful we have begun to appreciate what life is about before it is too late.  I am thankful for the opportunity to learn how to really love my family from the depths of my soul, and I am  so grateful for a fantastic family to live this journey with.

Exhausting but so much fun!

We had a great Halloween weekend but boy was it exhausting!  Friday night the school had their Fall Festival and the kids had a great time hanging out with their friends.  It is bittersweet to watch the kids becoming more and more independent.  Jamahl went off with his buddies checking in periodically, and the girls invited their friends to hang out with us.  I can clearly remember the girls going to the festival in their matching fairy costumes and needing 4 adults for 4 kids.  WOW!  That night after the festival, Jamahl was invited to go to a haunted forest with two friends.  We brought him home to get a warmer coat and I could tell he was VERY concerned about being scared.  Paul and I tried to tell him it was going to be alright but as the minutes ticked by, his anxiety kept climbing.  His friends finally arrived and the one mom came in and said, “Jamahl, are you ready for some spooky fun?” Jamahl replied, “Well, actually, I am sort of scared!”  The mom kind of joked and said, “don’t worry, I can hold your hand.”  To which Jamahl gave a huge sigh of relief and said, “That would be great!”  How cute is that?  She was totally joking but didn’t even realize it…it did my heart good to know that he isn’t to grown up to accept some comforting!

Saturday evening my brother, his wife, and my niece came to have a chili supper and than trick-or-treat in our neighborhood.  They save the day every year by bringing a gold cart so that Keyan doesn’t have to use her wheelchair.  My dad hooks up a cart to his four wheeler, we all pile in, and away we go.  I have to admit that I about fell over from shock when Paul put scrubs on and dressed up as a doctor.  I have begged him for years to dress up and he has always refused.  It was fun to have him join in the fun!

Then, Sunday afternoon on our way up to Muskegon, we stopped to visit one of our home health nurses and her horses.  The kids had a great time getting to know the horse, the mini horses, feeding them carrots, and taking a quick ride.  This is the first time that Keyan has gotten up close and personal with a horse and she did great.  Jane has been telling her about these horses for months, in hopes that she would be excited instead of scared.  When we pulled in, she said, “Look, Jane was right, she does have horses!”  Jane and her kids were such gracious hostesses and we had so much fun getting to know them all.    After all of that fun, we went up to Muskegon to have supper with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins, did some more trick-or-treating at my brothers neighborhood, and than finally came back home very tired and worn out, but it was all VERY worth it.

We repeated tradition once again and Steve offered to buy any candy that the kids were willing to sell.  Keyan of course sold all of hers and made quite a bit of money.  Jamahl, Sidney, and Abby, sold about half of theirs and McKenzy is our future blackjack player.  She decided to keep just a few pieces of her candy and than positioned herself directly across from Steve and his money.  She would pick a piece of candy and move it half way across the table leaving her finger on it.  Once she and Steve had come to an agreement on the amount, she would push it over to him the rest of the way, all the while making minimal eye contact!  It was so cute.  Not only do we have to give a thank-you to Steve for buying the candy, but he also made Jamahl’s costume and their wasn’t a prouder child this weekend than my Captain Rex.  Once again, Steve saves the day!

Without going into a whole saga about our life, while I was decompressing from our busy weekend, the thing that brought the most joy to me was being able to be with my parents, my brother and his family.  I was struck with the reality that many families are not as fortunate as we are to be so close both physically and emotionally.  It means a lot to have them all be such a part of our lives and I am just really thankful to have it be that way.  To have a husband who loves me, five beautiful kids who know what it means to appreciate life, and all be together, does my heart good.  It may not be the norm in our society today, but it sure feels right!  It was great to be surrounded by people that love us and to just have fun!