Thanksgiving

I know that I need to blog about the girls birthday and I promise you some great pictures from the day...but I just need to blog!

Thanksgiving falls in a busy week here in the Hogan household.  The girls birthday was Sunday, obviously Thanksgiving is today, and then Jamahl turns 9 on Saturday.  With my broken foot, I have been somewhat useless and have had a lot of time to think.  I have truly been overwhelmed this week with the blessings of home.  Last year Keyan entered the hospital in October and basically stayed thru July.  As you all know, she was home on and off but the majority of that time she was away from home.  We spent her birthday, Thanksgiving, Jamahl's birthday, Christmas, ect. all at our second home, nine center, at DeVos Children's Hospital.  As we sang "Happy Birthday" this year around the table, I choked back my tears.  I couldn't say what I was thankful for today without fighting the same problem, and every time I kiss my kids precious heads, the lump comes to my throat.  They all have commented on the fact that I am crying, and I try to explain they are tears of happiness, but you know kids...they just sort of look at me and give me a hug.

What strikes me the most, is that I know I only have these feelings of deep appreciation for home and my family because of  living thru the hellish past year.  I hated moments of the the last year...I begged to not have them continue, I cried and yelled at God for letting my family suffer the pains of illness. But all of those things have brought me to today.  I have learned to live for today...nothing else.  I have learned to value the small quiet moments in life and I am truly grateful.  So many people in this life go thru the paces, are always seeking the next best thing, fight discontentment, focus on tomorrow, and miss the life they are living NOW!  Before this last year, I was one of them...I was bogged down by our schedule, I was focused on "what might happen", I was tired of the battles.  Today, I am still tired, I still worry, and fight battles left and right, but it is with TODAY being of the utmost priority.  I sat in our crowded kitchen, around our hand-me-down table, and cried because I was here.  I was surrounded by my kids, my husband, my parents, and later my brother and his family.  That is what life is about.  I looked at Keyan sitting across from me at the dinner table...she was bored, would have rather been watching a movie, but her presence was breath taking.  She lives for the moment..she has learned better than any of us that life is full of unknowns and she yet she LIVES her life.

It isn't just Keyan.  We have all changed after the year we have lived through.  The kids are all more aware of today.  I can't help but find the irony in the fact that the days where I would have traded our situation for anything, have now taught us so much.  Does it mean that everything is great?  Of course not, but I sure am thankful for the lessons we have learned.  I am thankful we have begun to appreciate what life is about before it is too late.  I am thankful for the opportunity to learn how to really love my family from the depths of my soul, and I am  so grateful for a fantastic family to live this journey with.