On the road again

Tomorrow morning bright and early, Keyan and I will be headed back to Cincinnati for the long awaited elective admission.  We have been planning this trip since the end of July.  She will be admitted to the hospital on Sunday and go into the operating room sometime Monday to have exploratory scopes searching every crevice of her GI tract in the hopes of finding the cause for her intestinal failure.  Beyond Monday, we have no idea what will be happening or how long we will be there.  It should be somewhere in the vicinity of a week or so depending on the plan they put together. 

To say I am nervous is an understatement.  I hate the fact that we are going without Paul.  I hate the fact that we are choosing to put her into the hospital when she is “healthy”, I really dislike how some of the other kids cried tonight when we talked about Mommy and Keyan having to leave…the poor things have no idea if it will be a short time or long one.   I despise the fact that Keyan got visually upset when we talked about going to the hospital. I hate the fact that we are forced to hang all of our hope on the doorstep of these doctors. None of these things really matter though because we need a miracle, and nothing short of one.  Children can not sustain life for any extended time the way Keyan is living now.  That is our reality.  It doesn’t matter how much I hate any of this, it is what has to be done if we have any chance of keeping Keyan with us.  So, I am going to will myself to face this crossroad with as much stamina, patience, calmness, and trust that I can muster so that I can continue to advocate for our precious little girl.  Please keep us all in your thought…not just Keyan and I but the rest of the clan back at home, left to carry on with the weight of worry on their shoulders.