Paul and I had our second ballroom dance lesson last night. I wanted to share some my observations so far about this endeavor.
1. I realized over the last two weeks how little Paul and I actually look at each other. We talk a lot, we share the same space a lot, but we are often busy with something else. Dishes, laundry, cooking, kids, phones, work, the dog, you name it, we carry on our conversations in the midst of getting everything else done. Even if we go to diner with just the two of us, there is the server, our meal, and plenty of other distractions to avert our attention. That is not the case in dance. When was the last time you spent the better part of an hour holding hands and looking into the eyes of your partner? Our society moves at such a fast pace that we have lost the art of eye contact. Did you know that in dance, eye contact between partners helps ground you. When Paul lifts his hand and I spin through it, maintaining eye contact with him is what brings me back to the right spot. How powerful is that?
2. I underestimated the benefits of having something to look forward to that is just for the two of us. My days, like most parents, are full full full. Running kids around, getting to all of their activities, keeping the house from imploding with laundry, feeding this crew, volunteering, etc. I pour myself into my children but the harsh truth is that I rarely reserve time for Paul and I. We try....we really do but life happens and we skip over "us." It felt really great to know that we had 60 minutes set aside for us and it was something besides therapy! It gave us something to talk about, anticipate together, and keep us moving toward the goal of just making it to dance on Wednesday! It was invaluable at a time where a lot of life is hard right now.
3. Human connection is healing. In the first week, we moved from level one which is holding hands, to level two which is holding hands on one side and on the other side our arms are connected at the forearm. Week two we graduated to level three...holding hands on one side and then he has his other arm around my waist and I have my other arm up by his shoulder. In other words, we moved from 8-10 inches apart to 4-6inches. Now, for a person like myself with personal space issues, this was exceptionally challenging. It was apparently even noticeable to the instructor that I preferred the other levels. He promised me I would learn to love it and asked me just to trust him. I found that if I could settle the voices in my head, take some deep breaths, maintain that eye contact, and relax into the safety of Paul's arms, it did actually feel good. I am head strong, stubborn, and can be fiercely independent so needing to rely on Paul is a great lesson for me and one that by the end of the hour last night I was able to do a little easier.
4. There is beauty in being able to laugh at our mistakes together, smile through the moments that actually go right, dance to our wedding song, and hold space for our relationship. How quickly we shove those things to the side to get through our to-do list! I knew that dance lessons would challenge me physically and mentally, but I never dreamed that it would challenge my trust, my instincts, and some of my inner most struggles.
So, here is my challenge to you....spend just 10-15 minutes sitting across from the significant person in your life. Sit so you can reach out and hold both of their hands, don't fill the space by talking, just breath each other in. Can you do it? For some of you, you are longing to be seen....and others of you might be the one that needs to open your heart and do the seeing....maybe it is a little of both. Try it, make a habit of it, and maybe you will learn something about yourself and that person you love so much!
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